Money Makes the World Go Round!!

MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND

Feeling like a real failure today.

I thought I had come to terms with living in genteel poverty until my mom announced loudly today, "You have no money".

Right enough as I have only sold two fidget items so far the whole year. Now I have been living by faith in circumstances that are far from easy for a few years now. I thought I had lost all my PRIDE, but hearing my mom say that reminded me that I could still feel humiliated, humbled, belittled, worthless and depressed. 

A failure, loser, waste of oxygen - you get the picture.

Never mind that I cannot pay my outstanding vet bills, optometrist bill, mechanic bill, or clothing account. I can do NADA without money.

Now being a Christian and usually an optimistic, outgoing, positive, cheerful sort - when I get hit by the "blues", it strikes deep and dark.

I ran my own business for over a decade and I even had employees whose salaries I managed to pay most weeks, so I know that I am a tough cookie. Having no money diminishes you and makes you powerless. It takes away your freedom of choice. 

How about this example? Before I could pay a dentist an ungodly amount to do a filling in my errant tooth. Now I am relegated to waiting weeks for an appointment at a local day hospital to see a State dentist, TWICE - only to wait hours on the day and be told the equipment the dentist needs is still broken. Now the dentist has resigned and I have to wait until JUNE for an appointment in the big hospital in the nearest big town.

There are some positives to not having money. I started making my own moisturizing cream, so it saves a mint, mom likes it and there are no preservatives or chemicals in it. Now I am even trying to sell it!

I planted vegetable seedlings to grow, started buying vegetables on special in BULK and blanching and freezing 'em, after peeling and cutting them. I am even contemplating making my own clothes.

Weight loss is another great side effect of penury. I have taken in all the too large items, given away other's, but now seriously thinking of designing my own outfits. I am sick to death of all my clothes!!

The irony of course is that I could look for a job with accommodation included and head off to make my fame and fortune, but then mom would be left to the tender mercies of my brother and his wife. So that is not an option...

Naturally, when I tried to advise her, or question mom on her retirement portfolio, I was told that it was 1) none of my business and 2) my brother would give her money if she needed it.

Somehow my mom is blind to the act that my older brother suffers from "Chronic Infantosis". The whole world revolves around him and how he feels. This does not mean he is a totally bad guy. Every now and then, he will help out.

Just this weekend, he came to the rescue when pipes burst in the ceiling, so I am grateful for the bit of help he gives us, but so very angry that he cannot see that his mother needs financial assistance. I started a new business and those take time to grow. An average of three years. I am doing my best, but it is simply not good enough!

What hurts the most is not being able to buy mom all the nutritional supplements she needs, or even the small things that she likes and simple stuff like denture cleaner. Well, we just embrace the homeopathic natural alternatives like salt, bicarb and coconut oil.

No one should work like a slave for 60 years and then have to stress about money at the end of their days. Especially when she bent over backwards to give us everything she never had growing up as a poor white Afrikaner.

However, she is not the only one in dire straits. We have a 78 year old female friend in really bad health, with constant pain who has to work 6 days a week for a pittance. Her son owns three properties and has no financial problems. She asked him for help and he has ignored her.

I am upset that I can offer her no kind of help except prayer. In the past I was the one always giving to those in need whenever I was could. I like to help. I am the practical one. In fact, I am great at making other people money in my experience.

Even as a landscaper, I ended up mostly fixing up other "so-called" professionals messes. I am a lifelong "fixer upper" and I am wondering if that that is what all care giver's have in common. We cannot pass on by. We pick up stray animals, sick plants and broken furniture to mend. Our compassion always moves us to take action.

If my 50 years on earth has taught me one thing, it is this.

It is not what people SAY that matters, but what they DO that counts!

So many caregiver's end up with the bulk of the burden of care on their shoulders, despite family and friends promising to help. They have to live with constant advice and negative input on their caregiving, but do not get the actual practical help, or extra money from the one's doing the talking.

So maybe that is a second trait of carers. We DO as well as TALK!

So I have "spoken" enough now. Time to sort out maman's supper and sit down and watch the soapies with her. Santle hantle batho. (Stay well people)

NB: I have straightened up my shoulders and picked up my head. Remind myself to keep on trucking and that I am doing the best I can do. My mom is 80 years old and has always done her best for me. It is the least I can do for her. No regrets!

Ciao, Mel